To Chaos

One of those days when you wake up to this eerie feeling of nothingness. And yet, you have a lot in your head. There’s your friend you’re thinking about, the assignments that the professor gave you the other day, the frenzied atmosphere in the club you’re in, the blog post you’ve left undone for so many days. There’s just a lot of noise in our lives. Not between your ears, but inside your brain. No matter where you go, the noise keeps chasing you. It’s a blurry distorted kind of noise. It’s the kind of noise that you see in old television sets when some channel goes off air for some time, when there’s a transitory rain or a thunderstorm. The channel gets back on air after a while, only the clouds in our life don’t disappear effortlessly. That noise is fondly called chaos.  

Were we really so complicated when we were kids? I guess not. We were busy watching our favorite cartoon shows on TV and were too occupied weaving the life in our dreams. We were real thinkers, and questioned a hell lot of things. We grew up when we found the answers to most of our questions. We started becoming complacent and indifferent towards ourselves and stopped questioning life. That’s when we experienced the noise for the first time. From then, it has become an inconsequential yet irritable part of our lives. While some choose to live with it, some deny having it, others find ways to get rid of it.

Who’s chasing whom? Is the noise chasing you? Or are you chasing the noise? There’s a small yet substantial line between the two. If something’s worrying you for the past few days and you haven’t been able to do a thing about it, then your case is the former. The noise chases you as you inch towards your deadline. You become too anxious about the outcome and give up to the noise to take over you.  Conversely, you are chasing the noise when you know something is impending, probably bad, but you become too unconcerned and keep on doing it anyway. That’s when you invite the noise to come and take over. 

Is there a solution?

Oh yes! In fact two simple steps.

Step 1: Acceptance. Most of us young adults lack this virtue. The first step to solving every problem is acceptance. Accepting that we have a problem makes it easier to find ways to solve it. We are so full of activity that we always stay in a state of denial. We feel what’s a little deviating from normal is nothing short of just mundane and to be dealt with casually. This is a way to complicate our lives further. I feel, sometimes it is better to freak out. Let your emotions take over you and your inner conscience scream on top of its voice. Listen to it, and not just hear it because when you heed to the pangs of your conscience, you’ll know yourself much better.

Step 2: Keeping busy. We can avoid pointless commotion by keeping busy in doing things we love. That would help in diverting ourselves to something productive. We could join a club, participate in events, play a sport or take up a project and develop our skill set by investing time in such ventures. This would also guarantee mental and emotional satisfaction and shield us from chaos. 

Have a chaos free day.

Happy Raksha Bandhan: A celebration of the devout bond between a brother and a sister. The brother commits to take care of his sister all his life and beyond, while the sister ties a knot of colorful thread on her brother’s wrist. The knot is a symbol of eternal love, respect, vigor and vitality. Shilpa and Siwalik wish you all a Happy Raksha Bandhan on behalf of Dreamscape.

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A soldier's Wife

Happy Independence day!
A tribute to all the soldiers and their families, who sacrifice their lives to protect our motherland and keep us safe!

She stood silently

Watching him go

All he could do was ignore

All the tears that flew

From their eyes

But he had to walk away

From her side

Because he could no more be her guide

Even though the pain was crushing him from inside

Clenching his throbbing heart, bleeding

He walked till the other side of the road

An inexplicable helplessness vanquishing him that couldn’t be cured.

He didn't turn back even once.

Because he knew if he did even once

He won’t be able to part his ways

He felt too weak to bear the excruciating pain

He knew how she must be looking at his back

Sobbing silently as the time pass

But his mother was calling him

His duty, the only way to repay the debt

He knew, though devastated, she will never object.

Because she loved him way too much

As innocent as white lily was her love

Fresh like a morning dew, her presence gleamed

He blissfully aware how lucky she made him feel

She deserved more, his heart sighed

But all she got was a bunch of painful moments

And a fake promise of togetherness

When he came and went like a wind

Leaving her alone on her own

 A creeping guilt engulfed his conscience

This time he might not even return alive

His heart ached

A brutal truth left unsaid

But he had to go for her mother’s sake

He wished to rewind those moments

He wished to turn back once to gaze at her beautiful wife’s face

A tear escaped from his eyes

As he know it’s too late now to rewind

Now he is left with only memories

All he could hope that

Without him, she will learn to survive

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The Guest

The moments of despondency

Mystifying her soul

Whirled its course

Leaving the print of its hushed trails

For him to supervene

Overlooking the scars

The wind blew fading them away

As the years passed like a cupid’s arrow

The abysmal wait for the familiar guest

Continued like an infinite string of memories

Borne out of grief

 Making her young feet tad old

Her fingers, rosy white to pale yellow

She still ardently waited for the knock at her door

Her prudence and composure grew more and more

Hoping for the guest to arrive soon

But time is wild like an untamable fire

Unstoppable, endless like human desires

Time flew like a nonchalant bird

Testing her endurance

As she craved for her twin soul

 But one winter day, she peeped out of the window

Watching the snowflakes dancing in a insouciant way

She had put a hackneyed cassette in the stereo

As she rested on the old rickety arm chair

 Listening to their favourite songs

Reminiscing over the veteran thoughts

Flipping them one by one carefully

Like the pages of an archaic diary

The cold wind rushed through the window

Making the curtains swirl in a monotonous tune

Touching her sagging face

As her soaring hair broke the silence into roars

Oouch it hurt!

Her restless heart complained

“A century passed, still whom are you waiting for?”

Her silver locks glistened in the lamp light

Portraying a surreal resemblance

With the white cloud hung in the sky

A smile escaped through her lips

Chuckling at her heart’s stupidity

She gazed at the sky once again

As her eyes twinkled

Radiating a heavenly radiance

“My death sweet heart! And today my wait will be over.

My beloved soul is waiting beyond this overcast-ted sky”

And she closed her eyes

Drowning every essence of her existence

Into the infinite love she had bore

Her frowning heart got respite

As solemn festivity descended over it

Chuckling all its way

 Beyond the stars !

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The Chest

Trodding the untrodden

Into the darkness of the woods

Into the blues of the skies

I see forests, birds squeaking

As the north wind chills the spine

And across comes the ravine

The road’s hostile, the path futile

As I fall into the gorge

My hope crushed

My spine quashed

Will I survive this fall?

I gather my grit, I show some nerve

I scrape and grind through the stones

I sweat, I cry, I bleed, I wry

Carving the way out, but in vain

What hath god wrought?

That I earned such pain

Will such disparity always reign?

I lose everything but my life

Clinging on like an evil memory

Haunting me as I await the fairy

Far I have come, far shall I go

For I know the end is a glow

I get up, stand up, and find a hovel

Dig through it and forth I trail

A shiny stone maybe

Odds and ends, just worthless scrap

Tons of gilt inside a wrap,

For the world I carved

the treasure chest,

Casting the grave, for me

To rest.

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Broken

 A brutal face-off with the reality

With life’s complexity and unpredictability

My beliefs have shattered into pieces

Pointless are all learnt lessons and past experiences

Lying lifeless on the floor, bloodless

Yet smeared in blood

Because my dreams have been murdered

By the ruthless fate it seems

I have fought for too long

Even though proved wrong

Again and again by my enemy

Who played foul strategy

To mar my dreams

My forlorn face

Losing its grace

My wrinkled feet are the victim of the cruelty

It did on me to show its superiority

I tried till I dropped

Tried till my heart heaved

Till my eyes became too blind to see

Ignoring all my plea

The heavy price my heart paid

All the tears I shed

Still I never stopped chasing my dream

Because it was all I wanted

But now they are just shadows, deeply haunted

 Nobody warned me

 Dreams could be so expensive

So wrong I was to assume

My hard work would bear fruits so extensive

For I learnt it my way

That you bleed to death

If fate takes revenge

For the mistakes you never comprehended

And you are left pondering why everything ended

Now that’s all I can say

I have lost my power to walk

I am like the key with a deadlock

Walked miles without any direction

In sheer hopelessness and desperation

Wherever fate led me

In search of my destination

But it’s a dead end as I can see

This journey seems much longer

Than I thought

Lying on the floor

 My dream has lost its glory

Looking at them I ask myself

“Are they meant to rot”?

Broken and tortured

Like a wingless bird

For whom nobody cared

Caged for an eternity in doubt and fear

Remorseful over her own state

But I refuse to give up

I refuse to surrender

My valor is my hope

My perseverance is my strength

 I am stronger than I think

I will fight

Till I make things right

 Though in pain, not a coward

Though expensive, so invaluable

My dream

I will chase it

Till I breathe and fight with the fate

Until it bows down,

Even if it’s late

And will entitle myself to the victory crown

I will walk even with a crutch

And continue my search

I won’t be at rest

Until I achieve my conquest

I am on the quest for the light

That will motivate me to keep moving

 And dreaming

 Kindling a hope of a better tomorrow

Whose radiance will take away all my sorrows.

 Breaking me free of all my doubts and fear.

And I will smile

And sparkle like a diamond.

Rising high as the time passes by.

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A Clammy Day!

Here it was another day at the college and nothing unusual on sight but not to forget, the unbearable humidity which was screaming its presence every now and then. I remember I had classes in the second half which is, no doubt, not a dream of any student but certainly I couldn't afford to miss my attendance. Any B.Tech student can fairly tell how much importance attendance holds in their lives!

So, at around 2 pm, I forced my lazy self to get out of the bed, putting my much desired afternoon nap to an abrupt end. No matter what the time is, it surely feels jittery to wake up half sleepy.

While getting ready, I peeped through the window; the weather looked, at least shady if not windy! That was okay! (Compared to the last few scorching days which had tortured us to dehydration, perspiration! This was not okay!)

After I got ready, I sat on my bed, switched on the table fan which instantly added to the overall capacity of the ceiling fan and made my room quite cooler than before. I checked my watch as I waited for my roommate to get ready. I was feeling lighter and elated cause after a long time, the weather seemed less itchy! I sighed in relief.

Finally, at 2:15, we left the hostel; luckily found the auto right in front unlike some very unfortunate days when we keep waiting for at least 20 minutes until one shows mercy on us! We reached the university in no time and by then, even though the shady weather was still visible to me but Mr. Wind were still nowhere to be seen. I had begun to feel the cruel perspiration as small drops of sweat found their way on my face which I wiped unceasingly with handkerchief. “Once I reach the class, it would be a relief”, I pondered.

We reached the class, five minutes early and our professor hadn't come yet. A small bunch of boys and girls had already reserved their seats while most of them were vacant. We chose a seat and sat next to the window. But still, I could feel the suffocating atmosphere swallowing me up. A few moments passed and then horrified, I noticed that there was a power cut. “So silly of me that I didn't notice it before” I frowned, disgusted. No power! No fan! A sure hell for the next two hours!

Soon our professor came and began teaching. It was difficult sitting on those newly furnished benches leave alone concentrating on the lectures. I could feel an overwhelming tension building up as the humidity exponentially increased as the lecture progressed. I could see some front benchers trying really hard to concentrate but my mind was completely cloudy and I would rather say asphyxiated! Few girls made fan out of the notebooks including me, our only savior of the moment while some expunged their handkerchiefs over their faces, wiping off the sweat which undoubtedly reappeared again and again.  It was really frustrating to sit in the class feeling so sweaty! God!         I had never experienced so much of humidity in my entire life before. I am sure we all were wishing for the power to come back, at least I was desperately but it was not my day!

First lecture got over and soon the second one started, by then, I felt I would dehydrate alone by sweating so much. An extreme combination of dullness and utter disinterest came over me. Our professor seemed equally uncomfortable, struggling with the extreme humidity.

 I looked around and saw several equally frustrated faces. I was constantly checking the watch as my patience was beginning to sink into the sand of despondency. But my watch seemed to have gone slower or maybe I was just imagining too much. Then out of the blue, a miracle happened!

Our professor began calling out roll numbers for attendance; after which he asked the class representative to shift the class to next week and left the class twenty minutes early! Everyone gave a huge sigh of relief as we all hopped out of the class just like a bird freed out of the cage. It was not a memorable day but surely an unforgettable and itchy experience!

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A Bittersweet Story

'Wake Up! You have a train to catch.' Mum was furiously trying to wake me up as I had prepared myself to board the train to Burla, my address for the four succeeding years. We had our final counseling on the following day and dad wanted to visit the place a day in advance so we could explore the campus a little more. We were all set with our documents ready. We boarded the Bolangir bound Intercity at Bhubaneswar and with our destination set at Hirakud, a place I had never been before my entire life. Although pretty thrilled, I was equally panicky and fidgety out of the anticipations I had from the land that was alien to me. I tried reading and gathering all info I could about the university and the location on Wiki before deciding to sign up for it. Dad had a friend who worked at MCL in Burla, who very generously had a place booked for us at the Guest House in its company headquarters. Lush green lawns and flower gardens, tennis courts, a golf course, concrete structures painted in white, and not to forget, a helipad. This is the Burla that welcomed me the day I landed there. We were provided a well-furnished air conditioned room that was facing the Mahanadi and delicious food for our halt at the guest house. I was literally in heaven. After wining and dining like kings, we headed to the Sir Visweswaraya Auditorium at VSSUT for the counseling process to begin the following morning.

Indeed a sleepy town. Well, not technically a town but a Notified Area Council, Burla is amidst nature’s bounties. I was introduced to the Power Channel, The Laxmi Dugul Hills and the world renowned Hirakud Dam that morning. I took pride in studying in a land this historic and without a doubt, so picturesque. It took a meager 5 minutes to reach the campus where this colossal granite built gate welcomed us into the University. I had expected the auditorium to be some centralized air conditioned hall. When we finally entered the auditorium, a flight of pigeons went rushing past the roof of this old and faded structure. While sitting, I watched over the ceiling fans that were oddly fitted on the walls at a weird 45 degree angle. Not everything that I had presumed about the university was turning out to be true. It was a little blow to my conscience. But then I don’t easily lose hope. After finishing the counseling formalities, we went looking for the hostels. We then, found Marichi, the first year’s residence and entered the hostel. We saw the rooms that were a little congested. There was some concrete sagging from the roof in one of the rooms. The rooms had accommodated 5 students that were originally designed for 3. Adding to the horror, the seats had increased exponentially that year which forecasted the hostels to be even more jammed. That was definitely some reason to worry.

We had the train back to Bhubaneswar scheduled at 4pm, which gave us some time to explore the market at Burla. There was a strike in Burla that day and most of the shops were forced shut. The auto rickshaw driver tricked us and robbed 40 rupees for the ride to the market from the campus. The atrocities of the place were not helping my edgy state of mind and were making it worse. We didn’t find certain things that we looked for in the market. The thing that kept ringing in my head was “What is this place?” On the ride back I noticed, there were not too many shops nearby the campus which made it grim. This was definitely not the Burla that had welcomed me the previous day. On the way back, I nearly choked and stopped talking to dad which worried him as he wanted me to opt for VSSUT rather than Delhi University. I quizzed myself for taking the decision and never wanted to return here ever again for life. I wished the day was just a nightmare and hoped I could just disremember it.

Little did I know that I would have the time of my life at the very same place that I had condemned the first time. I was oblivious of the adventures that awaited me and the fun I still have at this beautiful abode. Instead of being a crybaby and judging the book by its cover, I could have taken it easy. It was a shear miscalculation. But then, to err is human and there are good days and there are bad, it must have been a bad day when I look back. As far as Burla is considered, fast forward 24 months, it’s my beautiful home and I’m in love with this place. The people here are warm and hospitable and the language Kosli really sweet. Moreover it is the bitter-sweet memories and the times spent with friends that I will cherish for a lifetime. Though not love at first sight, it was love that grew eventually and would forever be a part of my life, my soul.

For the land of Koshal (Progress) :  

“Mate Burla Jaha Bhal Lagsi”- “I immeasurably love Burla”

**To be continued

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